I'd Hit It!
An Exploration Of Sexuality
I can’t always tell you what I am, but I can certainly tell you what I am not.
I am not gay.
As a cis man in 2026, I have lived long enough to know that my day starts and ends with feeling awkward around dudes.
I don’t want to see them, look at them or hear from them.
I don’t see Men as others, I see Men as myself. I can’t articulate the full meaning of my inside definition, but I can infer it to mean, ‘I can do that.’
My whole life has been created as an aversion to them.
I’ve always preferred a female interface.
The women who I’ve committed my adulthood to can be summed up in one statement, ‘I want an equal.’
It’s not that I haven’t dated smaller women or girly women.
I’ve never really found myself comfortable in the dynamic of a big man and a little woman. That’s not to say that there isn’t validation for people of all shapes and sizes, I’m just saying that my comfort zone is an equal partner.
My current girlfriend has a physical job, she loads trailers.
My youngest son’s mother would fight men in the street while threatening to take it to social media.
My older kids mother, I would joke that holding her hand was like holding my brothers. You hear people inaccurately say big boned, but her whole family is structurally thick.
My oppressor, who I lived with for five years was an absolute knock out. She worked for a pizzaria at one time and it was a family-like community where hitting the gym was part of it. She had a physical build that looked constructed.
When I turned her on to professional wrestling, she became a Bella Twin and wanted to fight all of the time.
She learned new tools to act out. We would literally fight, physically scrap, all day.
I’m not sure if you can understand having a thick bombshell for a girlfriend and your rock hard dick going soft gummy worm inside her because you just bit the fat lip that she gave you an hour ago.
I remember explaining away bite marks on the back of my freshly shaved head and somehow the cave men who could hear me were talking about how awesome surviving your home life sounded because the girl was hot.
It was not hot. It was undignified.
I have friends in real life and on line who are trans .
I know one thing, if you feel beautiful, you can be beautiful. Anybody who can build their identity from the soul out is an amazing garden of life unto themselves.
People who want to be strong, gruff and not want to give one single fuck can represent their masculine selves doing exactly that.
Fart jokes for everybody.
There is no reason for anybody to have to wear certain hair cut, a certain fabric or fit of a shirt because of the binary that was written at their declaration of birth.
None of that means they don’t have internal struggles with untidy feelings regarding themselves.
It doesn’t mean they won’t be unhappy with their appearance from time to time or the limits of their physical being. In fact, that’s so normal, it’s all of us.
I don’t think that we do enough singular inside work as a collective.
I have cis friends who I grew up with that have trouble with their identity. They can’t build muscle the way they want to. They aren’t tall enough. Their dick isn’t big enough. Their hair is thinning and receding.
They take hormones and pills and get replacements and surgeries.
They don’t do the internal work to find happiness within themselves. They want to look like men!
What’s the difference between a Trad woman and a Trans woman? They both have to shave their biological bodies and decorate their epidermis. They both grow and decorate their follicles so they project the beauty from the inside and beam it outside for everybody to see.
Same for Trad men and Trans men. Same barbers, same clothes, same body hair…
I know what I’m into.
I’m turned on by a bigger body. I like curves, I like jiggle, I like a belly.
I turned 18 just as the internet started offering free porn sites.
I have always been a loner because I’m awkwardly neurodivergeant and spazzy as a reaction when I’m around people.
I didn’t always circulate with people, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t space for me online.
I have been looking at women online for over 30 years. The teens that were taboo at that time are in the mature sections now.
The first time that I saw women like Samantha Anderson and Anorei Collins, I knew what my body felt. I literally looked down and said, “Yeah?” I embraced it.
I always felt like television presented slender women as desirable when I was always into their sidekick friend who stood as the contrast. I couldn’t be more grateful for modern media. It showcases all types of bodies, shapes, colors, cultures and characters.
Beautiful people everywhere.
While I said that I’m into the jiggle, I’m also amazed by women who work out.
A woman with a dynamic physical build is a big turn on. Women who have builds like Jordynne Grace, Jade Cargill and Chyna of the WWE are absolutely stunning. The dedication and drive is so very attractive. The beauty attached is stunning.
They are not masculine to me. They are very feminine, all of them.
Just incredibly strong.
I find teen women and early 20’s women to be less impressive.
Oh? You just grew like that? Cool.
In 2026, trans women have me giving slender women a second look. I see more absolute knock outs with small chests and cute outfits. I get the same feelings inside as I did with Anorei Collins and Samantha Anderson.
“Yeah?”
When I see trans men, I’m as turned off by them as I am any cis dude. It doesn’t matter to me if they have a vagina. Hairy dudes with chest hair and beards turn me way off.
Trans women dress, decorate and behave feminine and it’s dishonest to not say they are attractive. It just is. Beauty is beauty.
I remember growing up in the hair metal 80’s. Long hair and tight jeans was as much a male style as it was a female.
I can tell you many times that I had been walking with groups of boys who were checking out a slender person with long hair and tight jeans only to get close enough to see it was a scruff dude in his 30’s.
Awkward, right?
Shit, I’ve heard more versions of people checking out the ‘chicks’ on the cover of Poison’s Look What The Cat Dragged In album cover that turned into realization that they were talking about men.
Adult films have fully changed our sexuality as a whole. You can watch cartoons, AI, weird stuff, abusive stuff, racial stuff, whatever has been filmed, uploaded and tagged.
I feel by having adult films as a tool, I have been able to shape my experience with somebody else. I can get a nut on my own, I want to see what I can get out of my partner.
Adult films have given us insight into people unlike ourselves who do things that turn us on or off so we can explore within ourselves. I see weird shit catch on that makes no physiological sense, but there it is, again and again.
There’s a real patriarchy to the adult film industry that solicits young women who are feeling themselves and while getting queen for a day treatment and attention, they are being exploited, none the less.
Ten dudes, one girl. To me, that’s still watching ten dudes.
Ten trans women? Ten dicks? I still see ten women. Ten women who know how to handle a cock.
In fact, I see ten women who know how to touch a hard dick without doing strange things with a handful of squeezed scrotum and balls.
I’ve never been into butt stuff. I don’t get the pegging, myself, it’s just not on my personal radar.
I have dated women who were into butt stuff. I always had them be on top because that put them into control of their thing.
I remember one woman was a squirter.
It’s a novelty until you run out of linens, blankets and towels.
She’d be on top and you’d feel it pool around you.
Anal doesn’t feel like vaginal sex. Full stop.
It’s sex, it’s the same nerve endings, it’s all preference, I get it.
It doesn’t feel the same.
I know what I’m into.
Personal relationships is where I’d like to end this piece.
We have grown in the rape culture of America where men are taught on sight to approach women and declare their intentions. We have grown in the rape culture of America where being sexy is perceived as an invitation to fuck or just being a woman is an invitation for a judgement.
We don’t exist in a space where we get to know people where they are. Approaching strangers is part of America’s dating culture.
I grew up listening to music where “I Got A Man” is met with, “What’s Your Man Got To Do With Me?”
My relationships in the past started with me approaching somebody or being smitten by the fact that somebody approached me.
It wasn’t until I had developed a friendship with my current girlfriend that I’ve had a support system with mechanisms for teamwork and trust. Before now, every relationship started with me approaching somebody with a ‘mack’.
Trans people come into conflict because a trans woman is treated the same as a trad woman, which means she has no rights on the approach and after the person is recognized it could be violent or even deadly because we don’t get to know each other open or honestly.
Clearly, my current relationship is exactly where I’m trying to be, but my thought experiment for this piece was about trans women.
If I had met a person who I got to know and had that kind of positive experience, I can confidently say that I could have a relationship with a trans woman and still not identify as gay.
I mean, have you seen women?
